Somewhere along the way we were taught that to be busy is to be good, to be the best is to do more, and to be worth something is to be able to measure it.
So much of therapy work involves noticing that we think this way, and to start to unlearnthis practice. In therapy, we work towards becoming aware that we are conditioned to think and believe this way. The consequences of this thinking include feelings of shame, inadequacy, guilt, and as though we can never reach our goals.
We never feel like we "arrive" do we?
The very first thing I recommend to clients recovering from this type of thought processing is to develop an awareness practice. I am often hesitant to use the word mindfulness as it is now so overused in our culture without the depth of understanding what it truly means to be mindful. But that is essentially what I coach people to do - to develop a mindfulness or awareness practice that allows them to come to notice the moment for exactly what it is - to notice our emotions for exactly what they are - without judgement or feeling the need to change them or push them away.
By the way, this is different than accepting the moment for what it is. We don't have to like the moment, or like our thoughts - we are simply noticing that they are happening.
So, this is phase one in recovery from the busyness mindset, from thinking that if we are not achieving than we are somehow failing ourselves and others. The goal in this phase of therapy is to come to notice our patterns, our thought processes, and to become really freaking curious about conditioning the very underused muscles of noticing our thoughts and beliefs with a non-judging stance.
I hope that makes sense.
Warmly,
Lauren
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